It’s New Year’s Eve. A time for reflecting. As I was looking at the lines on my face and the marks of age in this light up mirror…I thought, “I get two choices here.”
I could condemn, hate, be disgusted with this process of aging. Raging against the fates that steal away my youth. I could stick needles in my forehead and pull the skin up surgically. I could…pretend for awhile that it’s not happening.
To what end I wonder?
As I look at my face, I could be tender…smiling at the lines that life has given me. The beautiful imperfections that amplify with each year. I could chuckle at gravity and be grateful for the grounding it offers. I could look lovingly at my familiar face, look deep into my own eyes and say, “Hey. You’re alright. You’re perfect as you are. I love you.”
On this day, December 31, 2017…I’m going with the latter.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how aging gives you a different perspective. Back when I was young I was more concerned with “What do I look like?” And now, as a middle-aged woman I am more concerned with, “How do I feel?”
But vanity doesn’t escape me. I’m getting ready to take my daughter to a ball. I pulled out my trusty full-length classic black CK from when I used to need such things. Ten+ years ago…
And let’s just say that things have changed.
It fits (wildly proud of this) but it’s…different.
Since I last wore the dress to black tie fundraisers and the Emmy’s…I’ve had two children and gotten older. My skin is different. My body is different. I’m different.
My first reaction to it was OH.MY.GOD.!!!!!!!
My second reaction to it was to start looking on the internet for Spanx.
About a half an hour into looking at various ‘support’ options…I started writing a post to my mommy group here in Saint Paul. I knew they’d hold me gently as I embraced the idea that I was going to have to buy some Spanx. Then…it turned into this blog. Because I realized that I wasn’t the only one to war with this decision.
I love myself. I love where I am. I love my beautiful body. It’s not perfect, but it suits me. And everything I stand for as a trainer is all about loving on your sweet self.
So isn’t buying Spanx kind of buying into the idea that I have to look a different way?
I think so. So I stepped slowly away from the girdles and support wear.
I need to think on this, but I’m not sure if I can get around buying it…it buys into something that makes me sad. That I need to suck it all in and be a certain way in order to be beautiful. And…that’s bullshit. I’m just right as I am.
Now…ask me again when I put the dress on to take my girl to the ball…I might have a crazed visit to the department store. But for now…I’m going to sit with it. I’m going to sit with the idea that I’m perfect as I am.
And so are you.