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Being Fearless…or being fearful but saying f(*&k it and doing it anyway…

What scares you?

I used to be AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. The unfamiliar made me want to just hide away.

As I look back, I realize I’ve spent the 2nd half of my life dancing with fear. Trying to get familiar with it and then tell it to “Piss off.”

Once when I decided to audition for a musical (o.m.g. terrifying) I called a friend virtually hyperventilating and she asked me, “WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS IF IT TERRIFIES YOU?”

Because it makes me feel powerful and alive. It makes me feel like I am the boss of me.

Things that have truly REDLIGHTTURNBACKDON’TDOTHIS terrified me:

  • *Leaving the safety and comfort of my first marriage.
  • *Moving to the Twin Cities on my own.
  • *Saying YES to new love.
  • *Marrying my husband after 5 months of dating (welp.)
  • *Taking on new jobs.
  • *Skydiving (every time scared the s(*&t out of me and I made 600+ jumps.)
  • *Going through IVF and not knowing if it would work.
  • *Sometimes pressing PUBLISH when I post a blog.
  • *Taking tests (really…I am phobic.)

What are yours when you look back? What are those pivotal, terrifying things that made you want to wet your pants and run the other way?

Now…when you look back. Can you see in the rear view that those experiences made you and your life:






This is living. This is living the shit out of your ONE AMAZING LIFE.

And that, my friends, is Ahimsa. That is having the courage to do the hard stuff having faith in yourself and the Universe that your life will be better for it. It’s not letting your FEAR make your life SMALL. It’s telling fear to “Piss Off.”

So last week I wrote a damn book report on this aspect of Ahimsa…and f&*k all if I didn’t have to write it all over again today…because I didn’t write it with heart. I wrote from a clinical and cold and fear-based place. It’s hard to put your shit out there. It’s scary to inject yourself into your work. It’s hard to remember that we’re ALL JUST TRYING TO FIGURE SHIT OUT. We’re all scared and trying to figure out how to deal with it.

Practice courage. Know that you are created to live. Know that the fear that keeps you from living your best life is a LIAR. And have faith in the stuff you are made of…it’s tough, resilient, and powerful.

Peace, Sarah


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Hey Fear…Piss.Off.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. And yesterday, I decided to tell FEAR to “Piss.off.”

About a month ago, I was asked to sub for some Power Yoga classes at a wonderful yoga studio called The Den Yoga. A couple of things tripped my trigger – the teachers there are trained differently than I am trained. And, I have a problem with remembering sequences. A BIG problem. But the sub dates were about two months off, so I was like, “Cool. I can figure this out in two months.”

Commence the stress dreams and non-stop mental masturbation. Ugh.

Did I mention I forget where the hell I am in the sequences (did I do the right side? Where the hell ARE we? What was I going to do next? Blah, blah, blah…) The same thing happens when I have to take a test…I know the information. But if you ask me, my brain just LOCKS THE HELL UP. Hugely stressful for me.

So now..it’s Mother’s Day. And I’m just hanging with my family and having such a beautiful day. And my friend Ginny who manages the studio puts a call out for someone to help her the next day (today) for two of her Power Yoga classes because she’s got laryngitis.

Me: Oh please someone answer her.

Me: Come on. Someone! Anyone? Bueller?


I realized that I was avoiding offering to sub for my sweet, sick friend because I.Was.Afraid.

Of failure, of making an ass of myself, of not doing it well, of doing something outside of my comfort zone, of of of of….the list goes on and on.

I picked up my damn phone and texted, “I’LL DO IT.”

Then, I invited all of my people to please come to the class. If I was going to go down in flames, let me do it with people I love and who will be kind to me.

Fear is a sticky, tarry mess. And you can get caught in it. And if you allow it, it will keep your world small.

If you’re faced with a situation that terrifies you, consider telling Fear to “Piss Off.” Expand your edges. Lean into your discomfort.

Because what’s the worst thing that can happen??? You fail? I fail?? Maybe… But maybe not. And whatever else happens – you didn’t let fear dictate your actions.

Because that feeling?? That crazy, terrified, ‘OHMYGODWHATTHEHELLAMIDOING???!!!’

That’s living.

ps – I had fun. It was fun. The class members seemed happy. We laughed. We moved our bodies.

Peace, Sarah


Belly of the Beast.

So – I got word today that someone I loved very much had died. The thing that makes it weird is that it’s my ex-husband’s mom. Weird because all of the societal mores that swirl around relationships make it weird for me, for the family, for my family.

It’s weird.

But there was so much LOVE there. And I have to honor that love. I have to honor the woman who treated me like a daughter. Who taught me a different side of what being a mom means. Who taught me that I could be a beastly screw-up of a human…and she’d still love me. She may not agree with my choices, but she never stopped loving me.

So now…I go into the belly of the beast.

And it’s not the people I’m talking about….although let me say there are a few who are going to meet my being there with more than raised eyebrows.

But the belly of the beast is facing all of the feelings that surround divorce, losing a family, losing a way of life, losing an old self, gaining a new self, gaining a new life, carrying guilt for terrible choices, forgiving yourself, moving forward with self-acceptance, self-love and JOY.

That’s a lot of freaking feelings people.

And, ask anyone, I FEEL my feelings. I don’t run away from them. I FEEL THEM. But today…I self-medicated. And you may or may not relate to my choice of self medication…I self medicated with BREAD.

I had homemade Breadsmith bread with real butter for breakfast.

I had white rolls with ham leftover from Easter for lunch with potato chips.

I had a full container of Milano cookies for a snack with Earl Grey tea and honey for dipping.

I totally cried my way through most of this eating. Because I recognized that what I really needed wasn’t a crapload of gluten…what I needed was comfort.

I have to dust myself off now…dust the breadcrumbs off. And I have to pack my bags, leave my beautiful family who has rallied around me to support me going and showing my utmost respect for a woman who loved me…always. And it’s weird. And it’s hard. And it’s going to be scary facing down all of the people and feelings that bring up SO MUCH stuff for me. Good stuff, hard stuff, beauty, pain.

And I guess that’s life.

I hope they have bread there.