There was a time when I didn’t like myself very much. A time when I didn’t feel good in my own skin. When I didn’t take care of myself. When everyone else’s needs came before mine. I was in the midst of having my babies and trying to do really well in my my new job as MOM.
I was 12 weeks pregnant with my first child when I walked away from life as an uptown girl with a career as a television executive to become a stay at home mom. Parenting became my new career.
And I threw myself into mothering with passion equal to my career days. I tried to be an executive as a mom, too. I ran clubs, boards, committees, I put all of my executive energy into being the very best mom I could imagine: early childhood classes, baby music classes, even baby ballroom dancing classes. (really…)
And then one day when I was pregnant with my second child…
a well-meaning facilitator at the 7th mom-and-me class we’d attended that week, asked a very simple question to me and the other moms in the circle:
“What do you do to take care of yourself now that you have small children at home?”
I was shocked to realize that taking care of myself was even an option.
For 2 years, I didn’t consider that I had a need, and her question came out of the blue. When I looked around the room I noticed for the first time that one mom was wearing lipstick, another had her hair done, and a third had her nails done…what??
When it was my turn to answer the facilitator’s question, I was speechless and embarrassed. Because the truth was that I hadn’t done anything for myself in 2 years. I had barely remembered to shower or shave for the past 2 years much less make time for self-care. Silently, and with as much dignity as I could muster, I got up and left the room.
I went into the bathroom, and I began to cry as I looked – really looked – at myself in the mirror. Silently, I asked myself, “Are you still there? Who are you now? Where are you?”
That day at Mom-and-Me was the turning point in my life. Soon
after, I decided pick the WILDEST MOST OUTLANDISH thing I could think of and commit to doing it. I decided to train for a marathon for my 40th birthday. Considering I hadn’t run mmmuch at all…this was (understatement) outside of my comfort zone. I started training a month after my youngest was born. I also joined my first Bootcamp.
From that moment, something powerful came over me.
I knew I wasn’t the only one who was missing exercise. I realized that I wasn’t the only one to miss feeling strong, to long for the feeling of satisfaction of taking my body from being unable to do 1 pushup pounding out 20 full-fledged on-your-toes pushups. In a row.
The longer I trained, the more clear it became me that other women, just like me, longed to MOVE. To find the joy in exercise. To be strong again, after so many years of feeling weak, and tired, and separate from their bodies.
Somewhere between the burpees and box jumps, pushups and lunges, I knew in my bones what my next career would be. I would become a personal trainer.
One who cares more about the state of your soul than the size of your jeans.
Fast forward to today.Today, I trust my body. Today, I’m strong.
And throughout the process of reclaiming my body, I reclaimed my life. Along the way I discovered that by taking care of myself, I was able to get connected with my mind, body, and spirit. I could access my spirit very clearly through the physical activity. I was able to evolve to a place of true connection. Spiritually grounded. Intuitive.
I guess you could say that I found God in a burpee.
And here’s what I want you to know:
I’ve been where you are and I see you. I get it. How would you like to invite some self-compassion, self-love and self-care? The Big Three.
Because it is through the Big Three that wellness comes – from the inside out.
Think strong, agile, peaceful, focused. Let me know if this sounds good to you. You’re unbelievably worth it.
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