What scares you?
I used to be AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. The unfamiliar made me want to just hide away.
As I look back, I realize I’ve spent the 2nd half of my life dancing with fear. Trying to get familiar with it and then tell it to “Piss off.”
Once when I decided to audition for a musical (o.m.g. terrifying) I called a friend virtually hyperventilating and she asked me, “WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS IF IT TERRIFIES YOU?”
Because it makes me feel powerful and alive. It makes me feel like I am the boss of me.
Things that have truly REDLIGHTTURNBACKDON’TDOTHIS terrified me:
- *Leaving the safety and comfort of my first marriage.
- *Moving to the Twin Cities on my own.
- *Saying YES to new love.
- *Marrying my husband after 5 months of dating (welp.)
- *Taking on new jobs.
- *Skydiving (every time scared the s(*&t out of me and I made 600+ jumps.)
- *Going through IVF and not knowing if it would work.
- *HAVING CHILDREN.
- *Sometimes pressing PUBLISH when I post a blog.
- *Taking tests (really…I am phobic.)
What are yours when you look back? What are those pivotal, terrifying things that made you want to wet your pants and run the other way?
Now…when you look back. Can you see in the rear view that those experiences made you and your life:
This is living. This is living the shit out of your ONE AMAZING LIFE.
And that, my friends, is Ahimsa. That is having the courage to do the hard stuff having faith in yourself and the Universe that your life will be better for it. It’s not letting your FEAR make your life SMALL. It’s telling fear to “Piss Off.”
So last week I wrote a damn book report on this aspect of Ahimsa…and f&*k all if I didn’t have to write it all over again today…because I didn’t write it with heart. I wrote from a clinical and cold and fear-based place. It’s hard to put your shit out there. It’s scary to inject yourself into your work. It’s hard to remember that we’re ALL JUST TRYING TO FIGURE SHIT OUT. We’re all scared and trying to figure out how to deal with it.
Practice courage. Know that you are created to live. Know that the fear that keeps you from living your best life is a LIAR. And have faith in the stuff you are made of…it’s tough, resilient, and powerful.