You wouldn’t think Mork from Ork and emotional vampires would have much in common would you?
For me they do.
First let’s talk about the vampires in the most loving and non-judgey way that I can. Emotional vampires aren’t just people – they’re information, or pictures, or social media, or newspapers, or movies – anything really. So, let’s start by asking a couple of questions:
*Do you have a friend, relative or colleague who is an energy sucker? An emotional vampire? Where you leave the conversation feeling depleted, depressed or wanting to suck your thumb?
*Have you ever had someone emotionally puke on you?
*Have you ever asked someone ‘How are you?’ and then they regurgitate a bunch of negative spew?
*Have you ever watched a show on tv or read a magazine that makes you feel less than?
*Have you ever watched the news, seen something on the internet, or in the newspaper that emotionally taxed or depressed you?
*Have you ever seen an image on a Facebook post that horrifies you, shocks you, damages you?
Is any of this resonating with you?
THESE are emotional vampires. They suck your good, positive, happy energy right out of you. Kind of like this:
And the kicker is…you did it. You allowed it. You gave permission for it. You chose to talk to the person, to not set a boundary, to watch the show, to look at the computer, to read the article, to engage in the ick. You allowed it.
That stuff and those people are YOUR CHOICE to let in. You are in control. You can let it come on in and stick on you like tar, make you tired, make you sad or you can say “NO THANK YOU.”
Now. To Mork.
Do you remember Mork (from Ork, from Mork & Mindy the TV show, Robin Williams played the character?) Man I used to love that show as a kid. When Mork came to Earth – he came in on an egg ship. Here’s the visual in case you don’t remember:
Each of us has a circle of energy around us. And this egg ship is how I imagine my circle of energy. It surrounds me on all sides. It has a border – a boundary, but my energy fills up the space, and that energy is white, happy light. Every morning, I turn the light on and as I go through the day, it is my responsibility to support the border and the contents of the egg.
Are you with me?
So. Here we are – bubbles of energy bouncing off of each other, intersecting with each other, sharing energy, exchanging energy. What happens when someone comes into my space and wants to suck me dry? I get to choose how to handle it – it is my choice, it is my responsibility to maintain the structure, the integrity and the contents of my egg.
What do I do?
What do you do?
I’ve refined the support of my space over the course of a year. I’m getting stronger, but honestly I’m still not that good at it. Sometimes I’m able to listen and say, “Wow, that sounds really challenging, I’m going to send you some good vibes to help support you on your journey…where’s the bathroom?” Sometimes if I’m invited to a place where there’s an energy sucker or a negative person or someone who just makes me feel bad, I simply don’t go. Sometimes, my lovely husband is my buffer. I have become less available by phone, e-mail etc. to people who use me like a battery. And also, sometimes, I’ll call people on it. It looks like this:
Person: life sucks, things suck, negative, poopy, icky, yuck.
Me: Wow, that sounds really challenging. Now tell me some of the good stuff that’s happening?
Person: sucks, things suck, negative, poopy, icky, yuck.
Me: Did you know that every time I ask you how you’re doing, you respond with something negative??
Person: Really? No I didn’t.
(This scenario has only happened once, but he/she is MUCH more positive when I ask how they’re doing now!!)
There is a DIFFERENCE between an energy sucker, an emotional vampire and someone who needs you and is processing a problem. A person who is seeking advice or needs a shoulder or some support asks and there is a mutually agreed upon energy exchange.
Person: Can I get your feedback on something?
Me: You bet.
Me: Something is kind of freaking me out, do you have some time to help me process it?
My Friend: Sure.
Person: I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW! (*&^(&*%! CAN YOU HELP ME?
In a normal energy exchange, there is a give and a receive. There is a you talk/me listen and then a me talk/you listen.
Me: Ok, thanks for listening and giving me feedback. Enough about me, how are you?
My Friend: Thanks for asking!
Energy suckers talk at you. They don’t really care or watch your non-verbals – your non verbals could be SCREAMING that you are running low, that you need to leave, that you’re tired and done, that your ears are melting off of your head and they wouldn’t ever notice. It’s almost like you’re, well…furniture or a double AA battery.
So not only are we responsible for our eggs of energy, but we are responsible for HOW WE EXCHANGE OUR ENERGY WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Think on it now…how do you exchange energy with people? Are you approaching them with negative stuff? Are you looking for someone to dump on? Are you an emotional vampire? Do you even realize you’re doing it? It’s ok. We’ve all done it to some degree.
But the key here is learning not to do it.
Once you become aware of your energy, you start needing ‘the dump’ less and less. You’ll start working at keeping things clear and light and slowly – the judgey thoughts, critical thoughts of self and others, the negative ick kind of melts away. It’s not that you don’t get angry or frustrated, but you’re able to release it in a positive way instead of it sticking to you and having it fester.
This egg thing. This energy thing. This is an important piece to the wellness pie. It’s about as important as anything you can do. Your energy is a key to your wellness as much as water, food, exercise, peace, fresh air, laughter.
I learned about it at my Wellness Center. My naturopath Dr. Su Anderson offered a retreat about it, I went, and I learned that this energy work was KEY in helping me on my path of wellness. The retreat was unlike anything I’d imagined or planned. It taught me about my power, energy, and connectedness. It taught me about creating and supporting and maintaining my energy field. And ultimately, it taught me that my energy field is to be maintained and supported by ME. It is my responsibility to maintain the integrity of the boundary, to not let ick in, and if ick gets in – to clean it out.
There are no accidents – as I was writing this post, I got an e-mail from the Center with information about another retreat. So, if you want to learn more, my naturopath is holding a day-long retreat at the Healing Arts Wellness Center in Hudson, WI. This is where I learned about my energy and my responsibility to taking care of it. Here are the deets:
November 30, 2013
Energy Management & Meditation Retreat
Healing Arts Wellness Center
Here’s Dr. Su Anderson’s description: “This is only for those ready to become the stewards of their own energy, and the results of understanding and controlling your life, your health, your past and your emotions. It will change the way you live forever. I am so excited to pass this along, we are all ready and this will get you where you have always known you wanted to be.”